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A select few understand the title for today’s blog post. A few will even chuckle to themselves as I use the “top secret” names for many things in there. A few of you, just simply, get it. It makes you laugh out loud at the insane way we make it through our days with laughter and talking in complete girl’s code so that no one on the face of the planet understands what the hell we are really referring to. And Rebecca, the light is officially off. Ha!
Sometimes life throws decisions at you. You either make the choice based upon what you want deep down, you take a leap of faith, you throw caution to the wind, and you open a door to what could have been the most incredible experiences you could have imagined. Sometimes you choose to stay within your comfortable boundaries and continue to make the same decisions based on those comfort zones for the rest of your life.
How can I know anything about the past or the future, when the light of the Beloved shines only Now. ~Rumi
I don’t, or maybe I should say I am not. I haven’t made a decision that was “comfortable” in quite sometime, and it dawned on me that whatever journey I have started was meant for me. That maybe, if you believe in reincarnation, I chose the path I was supposed to choose this entire time. That all of my lives past I chose comfort, and I kept repeating the exact same journey each and every single life.
I get it, now. I get pushing past the fucking uncomfortable times to get to the incredible ones. I get that making a choice based on my intuition and my heart has led me to discover such an amazing underground group of people that I otherwise wouldn’t have in my life. I get the fact that in order to progress and grow you have to be uncomfortable. I don’t want to die and not know what it was like to be in the lives of so many that I am entangled with in this very moment. I don’t want to die and not experience love at it’s purest and rarest form. I don’t want to die, and have only lived a “comfortable” and predictable existence. I want to have to stand before my judgement and own it, and be who I was intended to be this entire time. I am unconventional, quirky, and I have a beautiful heart and soul.
I keep getting thrown into the lives of people who need me, as much as I need them. I keep getting thrown into the mix with such eclectic groups of mature adults who understand that growing means being uncomfortable. There isn’t anything better than seeing such a strange group of people bond and see each others differences and just breathe off of one another. From my intuitive and quirky Pisces friends, my stubborn and indecisive Libras, and my bull-headed and logical Taurus’. It’s almost as if I have been writing my own story this entire time, building up to the climax as it moves along. Living the life of a great book or movie, and there is always a middle. Yes, Rebecca, that protagonist remark was meant for you. If there wasn’t a middle, then there would be no beginning, nor end. If all we had was good, then we wouldn’t understand the meaning of “good” at all. We have to experience the tragedy and the pain, in order to appreciate the amazing and wonderful. We need it to understand getting through the uncomfortable times, and push past that. That ultimately leads to the happy ending, no matter how tragic the middle.
Every time I think I am about to drown, someone comes along with an extended hand, and a fresh breath of air. And every time that happens I KNOW that I am on the right path. I am walking my own path, with the subtle help from those who I am supposed to encounter along the way. Each taking my hand and pulling me back up on to my feet, out of the drowning pool of heartbreak or disappointment. These guardian angels help us to continue to fight to see the good in front of us, and give us that much needed gulp of air.
I think back to my “friend” from Portsmouth sending me the poem, Reason, Season, Lifetime. And I get it.
You were born with wings, why prefer to crawl through life? ~Rumi
It’s funny how one door opens up another, and so on and so forth. I recently met a fantastic friend who we are planning a girls trip to the East coast with. She is from Portsmouth, and it makes me giggle that we were destined to meet. Somewhere along the way the ties were bound and in a magical way we were lucky enough to meet and already have a bond over a tiny town on the East coast. The entire story goes back to the connection of invisible threads and fate. And I am reaffirmed once again of my decisions and my fate.
It’s small hints and tiny nudges along our paths that remind us that we are indeed, walking the path we are supposed to be on. I love that about life. I love that I am growing and finding out who I am, and adding to who I was. I love that I wasn’t too scared to embark on the journey.
December was a beautiful month for me, and it led me to re-discover myself. January was hard, and emotional. But I learned something about myself, and what I am searching for. If you fall on your face along the way, or someone hurts you, know that it isn’t because there is something wrong with you. Maybe they just aren’t ready for you. Maybe their place in your life wasn’t the right time. It’s all about timing. And who is to say that it won’t work out another time, another place? And in the end, if you loved and you opened up a part of yourself that had been hidden, then you never lost at all. You simply figured out, or remembered how to learn to use your heart.
If you are reading this, and thinking about your own comfort zones…good! Think long and hard about your past decisions, find the pattern, and break it. Break free from the rest of the pack and have the nerve to live from your heart and soul, not someone elses. Think about what you deserve, and the happiness that could await. Sure, there could be the unknown, or the fear of not being good enough, or the fear of falling on your face. But if you do, you just pick up a tiny sliver from the broken pieces, and you start all over again. Build what you intended to build. And you remember who you are deep inside, and you choose to continue to grow. The unknown “you”, is just as fascinating as the known “you”.
We never meet people by accident, they are meant to cross our paths for a reason.
The fear of flying will be overcome as soon as you spread your wings. The sky awaits, don’t be too afraid to embrace your horizon. Don’t fucking back down, look your life in the face, and just be who you are and who you were meant to be. Don’t succomb to the ridiculous stigmas and pressures attached to being the perfect mother, wife, girlfriend, or person. The world needs the individuals who are just that, their own person.
God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches you by means of opposites, so that you will have two wings to fly – not one. ~Rumi
I wanted to share some special moments, and those of you in the photos, you are loved. Some are from “The Heart Of A Soldier” shoot, still debating on covers for this new book. And having a hard time finding the time to add, but slowly it is coming together. Thank you for helping me take flight!
At night, I open the window and ask the moon to come and press its face against mine. Breathe into me. Close the language-door and open the love-window. The moon won’t use the door, only the window. ~Rumi