Dedicated to Jazzy

Why, hello, my far away friend.  I thought I would title the blog after you, because what I said to you today triggered my inspiration.  Our short discussion in regards to “flying solo” brought on a flood of feelings for me today. 

I write elusively in regards to my personal situation and what I am going through.  If you are close to me, then you get it right away.  You understand who or what situation I am talking about. You understand why I am applying each lesson the way I do, or each inspiration that comes up, you just get it.  Because you are here.  Even though you might live thousands of miles away, or even oceans away from me, you just get it.  You see my struggles, and fears, and you see how hard I am fighting to continue to be able to write, and bring great things in to my and my children’s lives.  You understand me.  I don’t have to pretend to be anyone other than myself. 

I have very few negative people left in my life, and I struggle with allowing that to take over an entire day for me.  I struggle with my temper, and I struggle to not resort to the exact same way they are approaching me.  But I will struggle no more after today.  I am not afraid.  My support system, and my faith run too deeply right now to allow it to penetrate who I was, who I am, and who I am becoming. 

Every negative will be met with positive.  Every angry word, or hateful remark will be ignored and not responded to.  No longer will I allow it to take prisoner of me and make me feel badly anymore. 

It isn’t about money or material objects.  It is simply about living a life that is peaceful and loving.  It is about accepting mistakes we cannot go back and change, and it is about preparing for a wonderful future for my family. 

Why does it make some so angry to see another pushing past or through their struggles?  Why are we never aware of the danger of our words and actions?  Isn’t there a time in your adult life, when you announce “enough is enough” and just buckle down and do what needs to be done in order to establish peace? 

We are never alone.  We might think we are.  But at any moment in my day I can text, call, email, or invite someone over, and the beautiful thing is, they will come or they will always listen.  I was asked “where are all of your friends now” in regards to bills and money.  After thinking about this statement, it isn’t about any of that.   If I have to give up every material object I have in order to escape the grasps of such negativity, then that is exactly what I will do.  I will not live under the puppet strings attached to anything that can be destroyed.  And all material things can be destroyed, they are only given to us for what, exactly?  It isn’t about “stuff”, it isn’t about any of that.  It’s about being able to breath again.  It is about restoring what was taken from your heart.  And it is about peace, and being able to understand exactly why you went through, what you went through. 

I am constantly in search of who I am, isn’t that the entire purpose of each breath we take?  I am crazy, funny…I laugh at the most inappropriate times and I mumble the word “fuck”.  I am moody, have a temper, but I have a heart that continues to collect some of the most beautiful people across the world who love me, for exactly those traits.  Look for those people, search for those who take you under their wings with no strings attached.  If you follow me on Twitter, then you know that I am a fiery female who says exactly what she wants.  And I’ve learned to love that about myself, and I’ve also learned when to shut my mouth. 

We are truly never flying solo. There is always someone there who will catch us if we fall.  You are in charge of whose arms you need to be in.  You are in charge of where you decide your heart lands.  Close your eyes, and think about it, let it sink in.  I promise you can come up with at least one person who would do what they needed to do in order to keep you safe. 

The New Year offers us such a great opportunity to really sit down and analyze where we have been and where we want to be.  Take the next few days to truly FEEL what you need to do.  Take the time to see who is standing right in front of you, and embrace them for who they are.  Humans are such funny creatures, but deep down inside, I believe they are good.  One candle can continuously light the others.  Be that flame.  The very first one that lights the other.  And you will see an explosion of light happen right in front of your eyes.  Maybe one candle isn’t very bright, but when you set out with the purpose of lighting an entire room, soon enough you will see clearly.  One beautiful candle at a time.

Let your hair down, have fun, enjoy life.  It is simply too short to let shit bring you down to the point of extinguishing your own light. 

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