Everyone goes through their periods of highs and lows. Some of that is based on life circumstances, some of it is based on Astrological sign, some of it based on your rising sign, and some of it is just a matter of a glitch in the personality.
Today is one of those days for me. Thank you Corina for sending me the message that you sent. You always seem to know what to say. I always send messages of love, and it’s always nice to receive. Adriana posted a powerful message on Facebook as well this morning, that kind of kicked me in the ass, and I needed it. You can find her here. And dear Corina can be found here. Both are very powerful women, and I believe, have the nurturing words a lot of us seek out. Whether you are a man, or a woman. And whether you are young, or old.
Living a religion of “love“, as my friend Rhett called it, is hard. When you are an artist you have to be okay with portraying this language in your pieces, and then be okay with putting it out there. You have to learn to really understand why you are feeling what you are feeling, and you have to learn to be okay with who you are, especially when going against the hard-edged grain of todays world. I believe that the majority of the world is good. In lew of recent events, I can see that most people have a collective view on how these situations should be dealt with. And that there MUST be someone to blame. In the end, aren’t we all searching for the same simple answer?
I am having to take a step back the last couple of days and re-assess myself, my goals, and why I believe in what I do. I am also learning that when someone says they love you, to just let them. That is hard to do. I have to see myself for who I am. I have to understand that self doubt is normal, and learn not to shut everyone out. I like the “pause” feature I recently started practicing, thanks to Adriana. But now I am learning who I should be putting on “Pause” more than others. I am trying to move past self doubt, and negativity, and just continue to believe that dreams do come true. I am a leaning post for some, others just blow past without a second thought. Those are the ones who are on “pause” for a while longer. I think I allow myself to believe that I am not good enough, even though I see anothers faults and I accept them, I choose to still pull myself back and think that they are not going to accept me. I love unconditionally, why is it so ludacris to believe another can love me the exact same way?
Living in todays world is hard. It’s even harder when you are trying on a daily basis to really breath in the present moment, and have blind faith that as long as you are emitting positive energy that it is going to come back to you. It works, I know. I’ve seen it. I just still have that tiny piece that says “You are not good enough.”
I stopped working on “The Heart Of A Soldier” recently after deciding I was done chasing rainbows, only to end up standing in front of the “pot of gold”. And yet, here I am, standing right in front of it, still going through self doubt. Kessinger, if you’re reading this, now you know I go through it too, often.
So, the next few days I will be working on the novel. I have to finish it, and I have to keep believing. It is days like this that makes it hard to see through the storm. Deep inside, I know it’s all going to be okay. If I can just kick that part of myself in the ass, to stop worrying, and stop doubting why I am writing in the first place. And that is to allow others to live a dream, even if it is through words. I need to believe. Only now, I am living and breathing it everyday in my real life, the last few weeks. It isn’t only in words. That is beautiful. I need to continue to push past the uncomfortable feeling, and just accept that living outside of my comfort zone is going to pay off.
I like to write when I am feeling so many different emotions. I honestly believe it keeps me human, it lets others who are reading understand that there are so many different depths to what we feel, sometimes you take on step forward, only to have to take two steps back and once again understand that you are good enough, and to continue on the path you know you are supposed to be on.
Keep waiting, keep believing, and continue to live outside of your comfort zone. At least for a little while longer, until you feel the thread start to pull apart, and before you know it, the entire thing is unraveled in front of your eyes.